Are you feeling trapped in a marriage that brings more pain than joy? You’re not alone.
Many in Western Australia are quietly battling the same question: Is separation better than staying in an unhappy marriage?
Don’t worry. This guide explores both the emotional toll and legal guidance involved in separation and divorce. We’ll help you understand the impact of an unhappy marriage and whether separation can offer a healthier path. Keep reading…
Signs You’re in an Unhappy Marriage
Sometimes it’s hard to admit a marriage is unhealthy. There’s no single definition, but common signs include:
- constant arguing
- emotional and communicational distance
- loss of affection
- outright abuse
- infidelity / unfaithfulness
- substance abuse
- neglect of family responsibilities
For example, if one partner is often angry, secretive, or abusive toward you or the kids, those are serious red flags. You might notice frequent fights over little things, a complete breakdown in communication. If you dread going home or feel constantly anxious, these are powerful signals that something’s wrong. And you’re in a toxic situation.
These issues can slowly erode your well-being. In short, the stress of a toxic relationship can hurt both your mind and body.
Why Couples Stay in Bad Marriage
Despite the suffering, many people endure a bad marriage for years. There are understandable reasons for this. Psychology experts have found that people cite financial security, kids, fear/anxiety, social stigma, and hope as the top reasons they stay in unhappy marriages:
- Financial and Practical Ties: Money worries or shared assets can make separation feel impossible. Fear of living on a single income or losing the family home often keeps couples together.
- Concern for Children: Parents often worry that divorce will hurt the kids. They may stay together for the sake of the children, thinking stability is better than separation.
- Fear of Change and Stigma: The thought of starting over, being alone, or facing social judgment can paralyze people. Divorce still carries stigma and feelings of shame for many.
- Hope That Things Will Improve: Many hold onto the belief that the current crisis will pass, or that their partner will change, delaying any decision.
These fears are real and common. We get it that leaving is scary. But it’s important to weigh these concerns against the ongoing harm of staying.
The Real Cost of Staying in an Unhappy Marriage in Australia
Emotional and Mental Toll
Living day-to-day under constant conflict & fights can wear you down emotionally. You can feel anxious, depressed or stuck. Even small problems suddenly seem overwhelming.
One Australian longitudinal study found that mothers in high-conflict relationships reported alarmingly high rates of anxiety or depression (around 24–33%). This is roughly four times the rate seen in mothers with peaceful homes:
- Chronic stress: Ongoing arguments and tension keep your stress-response ‘on’ all the time which raises blood pressure and weakens your immunity.
- Depression and anxiety: Constant exposure to criticism or rejection can trigger or worsen mood disorders. Couples who frequently clash have significantly worse mental health than those who don’t.
- Low self-esteem: Repeated fights and feeling unloved can make you feel worthless. Low self-esteem itself is a known risk factor for depression and anxiety.
- Sleep and cognitive effects: The worry and adrenaline keep you awake and preoccupied. You can experience insomnia, panic attacks, or difficulty focusing as the body’s stress response takes its toll.
Physical Health Effects
The strain of a bad marriage isn’t just in your head; it hits your body too.
A long-term U.S. study of 373 married couples found that those who reported more areas of conflict also reported worse health over 16 years.
Conflict triggers harmful physiological changes like:
- high blood pressure
- inflammation
- hormonal imbalances
All of these raise your risk of heart disease, diabetes and other ailments.
A toxic marriage can even weaken your immune system. This might look like constantly feeling fatigued, catching colds more often, or having high blood pressure/ heart symptoms when nothing is physically wrong. Over years, these can contribute to serious conditions (heart attacks, obesity, etc.).
Moreover,the tension can keep you on edge at night. Losing sleep not only worsens mood and memory, but further damages health since sleep is when your body heals.
Impact on Children’s Welfare
Perhaps the hardest part of staying in a tense marriage is watching the effect on your children. It’s normal to worry about them.
A Federal Court of Australia family-law fact sheet warns that “high levels of conflict and animosity between parents places children at a greater risk of developing emotional, social and behavioural problems”.
This means your children may become anxious, depressed, act out, or have trouble at school if they constantly witness shouting or cold-shouldering at home.
Compared to children from happy homes, those in high-conflict families were about twice as likely to have poor physical health and developmental scores. Nearly 25% of these children scored very low on language and numeracy tests as compared to 13% of children without conflict. Thus, enduring a bitter home life itself can stunt kids’ emotional and academic growth.
At the same time, many experts note that children adjust much better to a calm single-parent home than to a home filled with constant fights. In fact, a landmarkAIFS survey found that most parents believed their children were better off after divorce if it meant an end to daily conflict. What matters most is your kids’ environment.
Resolving conflict and protecting kids from adult arguments helps them feel secure. Once you are apart, the level of conflict mostly drops. After about 2–3 years of separation most parents report much less fighting and children show improved emotional health.
Why Separation Is Better Than an Unhappy Marriage
Separation isn’t a magic fix, but in certain situations it can be the healthiest move. Experts stress that when a marriage is destructive; involving abuse, addiction, violence or major betrayals, separation (and ultimately divorce) is the best outcome.
A major study sites that while most unhappy couples weren’t happier after divorce, divorce or separation was still likely the best outcome in a destructive marriage.
In other words, if your safety or well-being is at risk, leaving can end the cycle of harm.
Many people report feeling emotionally lighter and more hopeful once the constant conflict ends. Separation can free you to focus on personal goals, hobbies and well-being without the strain of unresolved fights.
Key benefits of separation include:
- Improved mental health: Some studies find that once freed from a bad marriage, people often experience less anxiety and depression.
- Restored emotional well-being: Leaving conflict lets you heal and rediscover happiness.
- Personal growth: Without a toxic partner holding you back, you can pursue education, career or self-care.
- Positive role model for kids: Demonstrating self-respect and setting healthy boundaries shows children it’s okay to choose well-being.
- New opportunities: Separation opens the door to new relationships and experiences; many people find hope for the future.
- Breaking harmful cycles: Leaving can stop patterns of abuse or conflict from continuing.
- Stronger support network: Often, separating leads to reconnecting with friends and family who can help you cope.
Each person’s situation is unique, but these factors help people decide that separation (and eventual divorce) is better than remaining unhappy.
When to Try to Save the Marriage
Before making any decision, it’s wise to consider if the marriage can realistically improve.
Research found that about two-thirds of unhappily married couples who stayed together reported feeling happier within five years.
This means, for some couples, time and persistence can ease conflicts without divorce. If issues aren’t abusive and both partners are willing to work; for example, through honest communication and couples therapy, the marriage might recover.
In fact, marriage counselors recommend trying therapy first. If you’ve committed to counselling and genuinely tried to fix problems but still feel unhappy, then moving on may be right. But doing therapy before deciding to separate can lead to more positive outcomes later.
What Happens If You Choose to Separate?
If you think separation is the healthiest next step, understanding the legal side of the process is essential. To help you move forward confidently, check out this guide to separation and divorce in Western Australia.
How to Prepare for Separation and Stay Emotionally Supported
Making the decision to separate is hard. It helps to plan your steps thoughtfully and seek support. Here are some practical tips:
- Talk to a Lawyer Early: A Perth family lawyer (like at Hoe Lawyers) can explain your rights under WA law and what to expect. We can guide you on divorce applications, property settlement rules, and parenting arrangements. Even an initial consultation can clarify complex rules like the 12-month deadline for filings.
- Seek Therapy or Counselling: Professional counseling isn’t just for saving a marriage. It can also help you cope with separation stress. Individual therapy can support your mental health, and mediation or counseling can ease communication with your spouse or focus on co-parenting.
- Lean on Friends/Family: You don’t have to go through this alone. Confide in trusted friends or family who can offer emotional support.
- Protect Your Finances: Start organising important documents (bank statements, property deeds, wills) and consider your budget. Set up separate accounts to track expenses after separation. If there’s domestic violence, know that the court can freeze assets or set up a restraining order if needed.
- Take Care of Your Children: Keep routines as stable as possible for the kids. Be honest with age-appropriate explanations. Consider a parenting plan that puts their interests first (schools, activities, holidays) and present a united front when explaining the changes to them. Remember, children do better long-term with calm, loving parents who cooperate, even in separate homes.
By taking thoughtful steps, you give yourself the best chance to end this chapter with dignity and protect your future happiness.
Conclusion: Is Separation the Healthier Choice for You?
Every marriage is different, but when an unhappy marriage becomes chronic rather than just a rough patch, separation can indeed be healthier. In weighing the decision, consider both personal well-being and legal factors.
Only you can know what’s best. Staying in an unhappy marriage risks continued unhappiness. Separation can open the door to healing and a healthier life, emotionally and mentally. Legally, the choice is yours, and WA law supports you in making the marriage truly final once 12 months have passed. The healthier choice is the one that preserves your dignity, your children’s future, and your emotional well-being.
Whatever path you choose, know that help is available and that you deserve a life free from constant pain and fear.
Is your marriage making you miserable? Need legal guidance for separation in Perth?
Talk to Perth’s Family Law Experts at Hoe Lawyers
If you’re wondering whether separation might be right for you, don’t worry, you don’t have to face this alone.
Our experienced family lawyers understand how emotional and confusing this decision can be. We provide caring, clear advice on separation and divorce under WA law. We will explain your rights regarding property, finances and parenting arrangements.
Contact us today for a confidential consultation.
Explore more about how to apply for a divorce